Built upon failure

So last week I was talking to my friend Sueyun about Peter from John 21 when Jesus reinstates Peter. And then last night we briefly talked about it at my church’s community group. And it has been on my mind all week so I thought I’d write about it and hopefully organize my thoughts a little bit more. 

When Jesus told Peter that Peter would deny Jesus three times, Jesus could have forced Peter to stay with Jesus during that time or could have prevented Peter from denying him. But He didn’t, He told Peter and he allowed him to deny Him. 

So when Jesus comes back to the disciples after resurrecting, could you even imagine Peter’s heart when he sees Jesus? How could He even look Jesus in the eyes again after doing something like that? He must have felt a lot of joy in seeing Jesus being resurrected, but more than that, could you imagine the shame, hurt and disappointment that he must have felt while being with Jesus? 

And so when Jesus asks him, “Peter do you love me?” can you imagine how much shame Peter had to feel. But he’s able to say “yes Lord, you know how much I love you”. And Peter says that knowing that Jesus knows his heart- despite his fear, selfishness and his fleshly sinful nature that Peter indeed did love Jesus but had failed to choose Jesus in that specific instance. 

Peter is just like any of us, we may not outwardly say that we deny Jesus, but we all know that we’ve denied Jesus many times, and maybe multiple times every single day. So many times when Jesus tells us to choose Him we decide to choose ourselves. We get scared, we get anxious and we decide to choose our own abilities and fail to look to God, fail to look to our Father that is the giver of all things. Even though Peter failed Jesus, Jesus then says that He will build his church upon Him. Like… WHAT?! How crazy does that sound. I’m sure Peter was feeling inadequate at this point. But what is so crazy is that Peter was BUILT on his failures. He was restored. He was made new. Isn’t that the most beautiful picture of grace? Not only did he fail and receive forgiveness, but Jesus to chose to build His church upon Him. Jesus CHOSE Peter. 

If you think about it, we were all built on our failures. And that’s because our God is a God of grace. Adam and Eve first sinned in the garden of Eden which led to Jesus dying on the cross for us. Joseph was sold by his own brothers to slavery and that led to him becoming king of Egypt and saving all of Egypt from famine. My parents failed marriage that led to me moving to LA and even meeting Jesus.

Hurt people know what it means to have compassion and help others heal from their hurt. Very scary past experiences can become safe havens and homes for those that are currently hurting. It’s a beautiful cycle, and we have a beautiful God that brings all things together for His good. 

and that's just it, God uses even our failures to bring glory to Himself. 

Nomad for life

Just one year ago I had the opportunity to be a nomad with Liberty in North Korea, what that meant was that for 6 weeks there was intense training, then for 10 weeks we were on the road driving from LA to Pittsburgh all the way to Toronto Canada and then back to Los Angeles. We did presentations in front of thousands of people, hundreds of schools and raised thousands of dollars. To say the least, it was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had in my life. I met amazing people on the road that I am still close with now and have been able to see people’s live’s changed by our presentation. We were being game changers! While on the road, I somehow ended up applying for a full-time position at LiNK as a regional manager and since December I’ve been working full time at our office in Torrance. 

This past Fall has been a sort of rough and kind of an interesting tour, a lot of things happened and multiple nomads had to leave the road. We sent an intern on the road and just yesterday we lost another nomad and we’ve sort of run out of options. I was asked yesterday to join the Northeast team as a nomad but to also continue my job as a regional manager while on the road with them. There was a lot of excitement but also fear and anxiety. It’s all so exciting and there’s really nothing I wouldn’t do for this organization. But it also sucks to have to miss Thanksgiving at home and our church’s turkey bowl for the second year in a row. A lot of exciting events are happening for the end of the year of 2015. With that said, I’m still super excited but it is 아쉬워 (unfortunate?). I’m excited to meet hundreds of people on the road, to inspire them, to challenge them and to excite them. I am not thrilled for 15 degree weather and having to carry and lug everything around but for reals anything for #thenorthkoreanpeople. 

All three of us on the tour team at Liberty in North Korea are going to be leaving LiNK as of January. And we keep saying this but, last tour best tour! I’m excited to leave everything on the road, to use every last bit of my energy while working with this organization at a full time capacity to really give ALL that I have. I will remember when I first learned about and fell in love with the North Korean people and continue to push myself to be the best that I can be on the road. 

I guess it’s true to say that, once a nomad, always a nomad. 

I will live my life motto while on the road of 1 Corinthians 16:14 to do everything in love, to love God and to love others. 

Please continue to keep us in your prayers! 

I’ll be leaving to Boston on Sunday night and will be going through Boston, New Hampshire, Central Massachusettes, Upstate New York, Toronto, Ottawa, Montreal Canada, Vermont and Maine! Please hit me up if you’ll be in those areas or if you know of great things to do there! 

Word Vomit Wednesday: We are not home yet

I had some time to read a devotional this morning and this devo talked about discouragement, feelings of futility and the waves of fear. 

We live in a pretty fallen and broken world so it’s inevitable for us to feel discouraged and disheartened at times. God has created this world to be a place of worship unto Him, but it has become a place for so much sin and selfishness. Children are being abused left and right, women are being defiled, men are meant to meet expectations of this world and people are worshiping beauty, sex, fame and money. It seems as though this world is becoming more and more broken and dark by the moment. It’s a really scary world to live in, there are days when I wake up and I feel just so tired of being here. I turn on the news and I see people destroying this beautiful world. I talk to my homeless friend Priscilla and hear about how another woman at a shelter put gunk in her hair and how she tried committing suicide again. It makes me extremely tired. My heart hurts. 

But we are also loved by our high King who is all knowing, perfect and so good. We are in such great hands. He has allowed all of us to experience this pain of the world and the brokenness of this world, and as we were once broken and lost, we are able to to bring healing through Jesus Christ to this world. He has given us His kingdom and we must have ownership! We MUST be the salt and light of this world and really declare the gospel to the ends of the earth. He has given us HIS KINGDOM. “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” -Luke 12:32 And we all know that once this kingdom passes, that we have an eternal kingdom that is waiting for us. 

Have hope my friends! 

We are not home yet. 

Nightmares

Wow so I haven't blogged in... over a year I think. And I've decided to move from Tumblr to Blogspot. But I will vow to to try to blog once a week... we shall see how that goes.. hahaha 

This past month has been a really difficult one for me, a lot of things happening in my personal life and at work. And it's pretty clear that one of my biggest weaknesses is anxiety. When I'm having a difficult time it gets really hard for me at night - I've had nightmares almost every other night for the past month and I wake up about 3 times throughout the night. I don't know if it's God trying to make me stronger or if it's satan trying to strip me away from my joy but I know that I need to stand firm in Christ's promises to me. I know that worrying does nothing, and as Spurgeon says, "Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths."

So very naturally, I have been clinging onto my savior and spending more time with Him. What Jesus has left us in His bible is very powerful and soul satisfying. 

My goal for this week: resting entirely in the finished work of Christ.